“Earl, come back already,” I groaned.
I slowly pulled the heavy bag of trash half-way out of the silver trash can. A clear liquid leaked from the bottom corner and dripped onto the top of my sandaled foot, landing with a splash.
“It burns,” I screamed and then realized it wasn’t burning. It was just gross. I dropped the bag back into the can to recoup and asked myself, why am I doing this? Isn’t there someone else to whom I could delegate this task?
“No, Puney,” I answered myself in a stern voice. “There is no one else and shame on you for looking for someone. You only have to do it this one time and Earl will be back on Monday.”
I countered in a whine, “But it is so disgusting. What about that homeless-looking guy who walks up and down the street? I bet he would take it out for a buck.”
“Puney…” I said in that low throaty you-are-about-to-disappoint-me-unless-you-make-a-better-decision tone.
“Fine,” I agreed with a huff.
I pulled the bag the rest of the way out and tied it off with a knot. Gnats hovered around the bag and flew past my face as I hefted the still-dripping bag and carried it outside with a scowl.
If anyone would have approached me, it would have gone something like this.
“Hey lady, you got any change?”
I growl and bare suspiciously fang-like eye teeth and sum up the petitioner.
An innocent enough man in a tank top with jean shorts, floppy tennis shoes and nappy hair unaware of the trap into which he just walked.
“How about a bag of trash? Would you like that?”
I throw the bag into his chest and stomach and he takes a step back.
Liquid starts leaking from the bag onto his jean shorts and down his skinny legs and into his floppy tennis shoes.
Fortunately, no one approached me and the trash was successfully delivered into the dumpster. I returned to the office where the gnats expressionlessly greeted me and continued to float and fly around my head.
I scanned through the rest of the to-do list.
“Not going to do that, or that, or that.” I checked off the items; done and refused to be done were basically the same thing and taken down one by one until the list was completed.
I added a last and final task, perhaps the most difficult: Improve Attitude.
“The world is so full of a number of things. I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.”
–Robert Louis Stevenson