We snuggled on the couch, exhausted from another week with two naughty little boys who delight in taking each other’s toys, bopping one another on the head, making messes, and jointly terrorizing the cat.

While the boys are awake, we must remain on high alert to intervene in dangerous situations like the toddler base jumping from the back of the couch or the baby latching onto an electrical cord and pulling it from the wall.

When both bedroom doors are closed and silence falls over the house, it is only then that we can take a deep breath, relax and sink into the couch. Two bags of rocks would not fall to the bottom of a lake faster than we ease into our weekend at that point.

“It’s time,” I said.

“Time for what?” Daddy Longlegs said, the whites of his blue eyes wide and alarmed, not expecting anything other than Netflix and a bottle of wine.  

“To set our New Year’s resolutions, silly.”

He let out a visible sigh of relief and settled deeper into the comfort of the evening.

“Ok, I want to start jogging,” he declared.

“And for us to take a vacation, a real vacation with the boys. And to start eating better. And…” he trailed off.

“What about you?” he asked.

I drew an absolute blank. My mind was free and clear of any meaningful thought.  

“I guess, I guess I want to…clean all the blinds and windows.”

“No,” he said. “Something for you, not us.”

And still, there was nothing, which gave me plenty to consider for a week.

I thought about my lack of goals with a fresh awareness that I need to be a person, outside of being a mom and a wife. I am starting with a few easy ones like learn chess and make more friends, more goals will follow once I build up steam with these.

So it is for me, myself and I that I have to do at least one more thing in the next days, weeks and months.

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